A work with my grandmother, my namesake, the toughest, funniest, cheekiest woman in my life.  I meet her on occasion when in the same country, where I don’t belong, but I belong. Carrying my secrets, a fountain of shame – she doesn’t know me, but she does. 

Nowhere I land is ground. I managed to film her dancing to her favourite song in 2016, unveiled to me but veiled to you – she is now my secret. I attempt to dance with her, worship her, alone, on the walls of my home. She tells a love story of a gentleman caller and all I can think about is how I will always be an audience to her.  I allow the obsession of masculinity to drive through me, marking their territories. You’ve made your mark on me, Teta. I set you on fire, then left you, without another meeting. 

you’re like a lullaby that helped me sleep through the nights of a warzone
even though you were only meant to play in the morning to make me feel alive again
with the smell of fresh zaatar and bread
my muse
i still remembered them
they remembered me
everytime i hear your voice
everytime i listen to your music you make me move in a way
let me go and i’ll promise you a forgotten task
my whole life i’ve cried
in one tear my life changed
i counted all the names and erased them
goodluck trying to sleep without the milk that birthed you
i don’t know whose it is
don’t forget the names that erase you
i am tied to this language through the nights and mournings of weeping
how you’ll never be erased
i met your namesake and she had no idea who you were

Samia Sayed
Video & Editing : EO Gill
Starring: Samia Sayed & Samia Hajj-Ali
Photography: Lara Zok & Nada Hajj-Ali